by Awais Leghari
Often in our lives comes a point where we need an escape. There is just too much going on, and while caught in this robust flow one tends to feel a little nostalgic even over the little peculiarities that he or she once enjoyed in a relatively static moment of life. I would call that robust flow of events ‘college’. I would categorise my escape to be this very blog, because its been quite some time that I’ve actually written something, about anything.
I really don’t know what I’m going to talk about, but I’ll keep writing till this post morphs into something worth reading, and hopefully by then you’ll be there to read it through as well. But really, this isn’t for you. This is for me. This is my escape, and even though it sometime bothers me that no one would read my post, this insecurity won’t last long and this won’t matter for long. This is my space, my escape and that’s about it.
So in light of recent events, such as the KPK unrest, let’s talk about choices. Needless to say, I am disappointed. I am aggrieved. I feel living up to a wild zoo of a world that is reality, and all of that because I had high expectations from PTI to deliver something. If not immediately, then slowly. I expected them to set about a motion towards a different province, driven by a better vision. I expected Imran Khan to come through strong.
But I am disappointed.
None of this has happened, but I’m not disappointed about what hasn’t happened. I am disappointed because I feel lost and all of the things that I thought would one day happen are not even part of that ‘grand vision’. PTI seems to be just like another stereotypical party. A useless addition to a rusty democratic system.
But then I look over to my people. And realise that me, you and everyone else deserve nothing more.
I would shamelessly admit it, that I am not too fond of Pakistan. Not that I’m against my country – anything but that – but I just don’t fancy being a Pakistani. Its not a good feeling to be a Pakistani, or to live in Pakistan. Whether you like it or not, you only love Pakistan because you were born here, bred in a culture where people taught you to love your surroundings, to shut yourself to all the other world and identify yourself, above all, as a Pakistani. The same happens with an Indian, with an American, with an Israeli. Where is the difference that tells me to love a particular country more over another? How is the feeling of loving your birthplace differ when it comes to a Pakistani or an Indian or an American? How is it unique?
This sometimes leads me to hate nation theory in general. We are human beings and divisions are unnecessary. Sometimes, John Lennon makes me imagine too much.
Regardless of that, I value independence immensely and I feel grateful for it and recognise how being a Pakistani has a role to play in this.
And of course, there’s college to talk about. I’m loving my life in college, but in general, I’m hating the people because they’re unnatural and don’t let themselves out. They’re not themselves here (well, most of them), they’re simply manufactured. People are less open and less receptive to originality.
However, I understand that this has to do with time.
As more time goes by, people might open up more because for the next four years, its really hard to don a manufactured character and live it. At one point, there will be the need to reveal the real you, and when that day comes, know that you have made it.
To conclude this post, let me say that I have stumbled upon a brilliant commercial idea that I can strive towards as a prospective programmer. If that idea sticks around only in my head and I get to be the one to implement it as well, I know that I will make huge waves. And I plan to start on this ‘project’ as soon as the start of next year.
Until next post, keep reading this one, again and again. Bye.
P.S. Listen to ‘Bob Dylan’ by Sam Adams. Brilliant song/tribute.